Why God invented beer

Beer

Hard Knocks Stream of Consciousness The final episode

Predictions: Pac gets re-instated at Hooters. Danny, Keon, and Lowber get cut.

• 5 Lombardi trophies in Jerry's office.
  
• Dat makes an appearance. Remember him from last time? That laugh from his wife.
  
• A historical perspective...wow. Put me to sleep.
  
• Don't give up on your dreams because dreams do come true. Good job Felix.
  
• Lowber and Amendola are good stories, but they're boring people. Good stories, but they really don't give much to the camera. They're both likeable guys.
  
• They try and get too artsy...let's show some hitting and cursing.
  Like they didn't know who they were going to cut before the game. Great drama Steven and Wade.
  
• It's drama for Pacman.
  
• Talk about foreshadowing with Sam Hurd. I'm going to get him out of there. Don't want him to go too long. Then why the hell didy ou put him on an end around.
  
• Tony Romo is a natural on the camera. Aikman comparing him to Manning. I love Romo. So much of the fun is this process. The journey is the funnest part.
  Wade doing his old man run. At least he's working out.
  
• Who is TO at dinner with? TO thinks he could beat Bolt?
  
• There has been an amazing lack of dancing for Harkknocks. Interesting they bring it in the last week.
  
• Tank has some serious ink on him.
  
• So does Pac.
  
• Here comes Tellus: Bennett burns Barbie. John seems to like him. That's funny about people talking to him about high and tight. Jason seems to like him as well, trust him in Clevland. I'm not sure if I buy that. Seemed to be an answer for the cameras.
  
• That's gotta be footage from Hardknocks in 2002 with Ray and Keon Latimore.
  
• Keon and Alonzo, who do you want on practice squad? Keon. For the cameras, because Alonzo was signed to it.
  
• Pac gets reinstated under Woodall Rodgers on his way to hooters. I was wrong. DMN told me incorrectly.
  
• Emmit talking to Dat and is buddy buddy with Romo. Felix's face was lit up talking to Emmit. That's starstruck from an NFL player. I loved seeing that.
  Wade throwing out the Ass bomb.
  
• End around to hurd...ow...that's my ankle!
  
• F**K! Oh S**t!
  
• Just noticed how Crayton and TO were doing the high and tight while watching the game. Tellus, watch them!
  
• Hey Rich, you gets another one? Throw that thing as far as you $$%^ing can. I'll run and get it dog. Well, that one would've been picked by the safety. Nice mouth.
  
• Felix is going to be a weapon in the passing game. He is good.
  
• That camera on the ground level makes it way too fast. You gotta get the first down. Poor guy.
  
• Tellus is now a rockstar.
  
• Amendola... Slow mo on him...he looks like he's working hard. Key block on only TD of the game.
  
• You guys played the last preseason game at Texas Stadium. You guys are winners. Winners on 3. Do they all get a trophy?
  
• MRI...what a crazy sound. You get popcorn with that?
  
• Fishing on Deon's lake in his backyard, with a boat. That house is huge! He has a gd pontoon boat in his backyard. No wonder he has 100s of kids living in his house.
  Deon is a smart guy. He really is. Do you want a letter from Oprah or do you want her to call you??
  
• If you make it in the facility, you made the team. If you don't, you're cut.
  
• Poor Keon. Stopped at the door by the freak with plugs. Coach needs to see you. I need your notebooks.
  
• Is Wade crying about cuts?? He's a good man.
  
• Who the heck is that guy? Never heard of him before.
  
• Poor Todd...had to take a walk down the long corrider.
  
• Where was Danny's cut? He has another day.
  
• Barbie looks like he's stoned.
  
• Danny worried about sweat on Jerry's couch. What a classy kid. His mamma would be proud. Philly wants him for his practice squad...A texas kid taking philly over Dallas? Not going to happen.
  
• A clock for everywhere TO has played. That's funny.
  
• To's pad is nice...and you need the booties.
  
• Marion's place is nice too...look at that view. Amazing. I wish I were rich.
  
• Manimal looks so old in that room. 35 and ancient.
  
• This series was overall too artsy and not enough fun. That gives me the impression that this was overall a very boring training camp. Good. Camp Marshmellow.
  
• Get our popcorn ready!
  
  
  

Top 25 programs all time in NCAA Football

I've often wondered why some programs are elite, and why they always feel like they should be in the elite status. How did they get there in the first place, and why do they stay there? Why do some programs feel they deserve to be winners? Why they fire their head coaches after a .500 season despite never having a losing season? I came up with a theory as to why and who a program becomes successful and stays successful.

To have a historically good program, you need to be either:
1. The flagship state school. It doesn't matter if your school name has state in it or not. Who ever heard of The University of Louisiana? When you think of football in Louisiana, it's LSU. Or Ohio and tOSU.
2. Have a desirable location. It's great to go to school in Sunny LA or Sunny Florida. Who in their right mind would want to live in a cold state over LA during the school year??

I started to put together a list on programs and their historical AP rankings. I picked AP rankings because it's been around a long long time, and they penalize teams for being on probation, but I started looking around and realized it had been done already.

Here is the list of total appearances in the final AP poll.



16 of the top 25 are the flagship state school
3 of the top 25 are destination schools
19 out of 25 are either main or destination schools

8 of the top 10 are flagship state schools
9 out of the top 10 are either flagship or destination schools

The 6 in the top 25 that don't fit either criteria are:
#3 Notre Dame
#11 Auburn
#19 Texas A&M
#20 Clemson
#22 Georgia Tech
#24 Michigan State

What's amazing about these 6, with the exception of Notre Dame, they are all in the same state as another top all time team.

So Ags, take heart. Despite being #2 in the state, despite a bad location, you are indeed, a top 20 program. Or at least until some of the programs below pass you.

Boycott Anheuser-Busch!

Join me in boycotting Anheuser-Busch as they've sold out to foreigners.

Drop your beer off at my house and I will dispose of it.

We'll teach those basts.

Great Story from Criagslist

True or fiction, it's a great read.

Craigslist

I graduated from college in May, and this summer seemed like a good time to go through the box of papers and assignments I had been saving since the start, both to reminisce and to do a little cleanup.

Tucked in a folder of an old notebook at the very bottom of the box was the essay that follows. Written in longhand, it was the first assignment from the first class in my first semester.

***********************************************************

January 20, 2003
English 1A
Professer ___________


My Best Summer Memory

Hey man, I’m not really sure if you’re supposed to put an introduction in this thing, but here goes anyway. My name is ____________. My assignment today is to write an essay about the best thing that happened to me this last summer.

I know everybody’s been kinda looking at me in class, wondering why a dude in his thirties is taking English 1A instead of being out there working a job. I’m not too keen on talking about myself much. Most folks aren’t, I guess, unless they’re Paris Hilton. But since the assignment is a personal essay I suppose I don’t have much choice. Anyways the best thing that happened to me this last summer was when I finally got outta prison based on that DNA evidence.

I’ll tell you man, if you can’t appreciate getting outta prison then you haven’t been there to begin with. For me it started about three years ago when this chick got murdered in East San Jose while opening up her plumbing supply shop. Me and Merle came by a couple weeks later to pick up some PVC for a sprinkler repair, and for some reason the dude behind the counter thought we was a little suspicious, so he called the cops. They put me in a line up, but of course the dude already knew what I looked like and what clothes I was wearing so it wasn’t that tough to pick me out. Other than that there was no real evidence, but I didn’t have an alibi and I had a couple drunk and disorderlies on my record back from when me and Merle used to fight each other for fun after closing time.

They had it in their minds I was guilty, and they kept after me for two days, yelling and throwing stuff at me and telling me made-up stories about how Merle told them I did it. I always figured I was pretty tough but after awhile it just wore me down. I had to look at some pictures of death row and I got showed on my arm where the needles would go and everybody called me Dead Man Walking. They told me if I signed a confession I wouldn’t get the death penalty and I had to think about that one pretty hard. The lawyer they assigned to me smelled like he’d been pulling a cork during lunch and he fell asleep while they was questioning me. I knew I didn’t do nothing but sometimes life just ain’t all fair, and this seemed like one of those times. So I signed.

After the sentencing Merle sold my truck and moved all my stuff into storage for me, and promised me he’d look after Mussel Shoals, my black lab. They sent me up to San Quentin, and when I got there, I was put in the section with the black dudes.I found out later that’s what they do with new prisoners, except the blacks end up in the white section. I guess it’s to soften up the new inmates, I dunno. Whatever the reason it didn’t take long for them to find this paleface. One day I turn around, and there they stood, the welcoming committee.

It didn’t take but one look to realize they weren’t there to bring me a fruit basket. I figured this was gonna be a test of me, find out if they could push me around, so I got a good shot in on the first one and broke his nose. Since it was four on one, I was looking at an ass-kickin for sure, so I didn’t follow up on the others too much, to try and keep ‘em from getting too mad. Well man, was I ever wrong about that. They got me face down, one on each arm and leg, then they got my pants down. About this time, right up till the last minute, I was thinking, this can't be happening to me.

The dude whose nose I broke went first. I was heaving and twisting my body trying to get loose, but the others held me down good. He started to poke around and then forced himself in. I never in my life had anything hurt like that, man. Everything got all cloudy and I heard him call me his white bitch. Bits of snot and blood from his nose dripped down on the cement next to my head. It’s the only time in my life I ever tried to talk to God. First I asked him why. Then I asked him to help me. And he never said a word.

You know, the only thing worse than being shined on by God is having it happen at a time like that, man. But it’s just like the preachers say: you can’t fool God. He knows why you’re finally talking to him – because you need help. So God never answered me, and I was on my own. And the only thing I wanted to do was to die.

When he was done, he got up and kicked me in the head. That in a way was kind of a blessing, cause I don't remember anything that happened after that for awhile, and I'm pretty sure the rest of those dudes took their turns.

A few weeks later, they came around again. I knew what was coming this time, and I didn’t hold anything back. I popped three of em pretty good before they got me down and did me again. They got the better of me, no question, but I left them worse for wear. That was the first time I ever saw a black eye on a black dude.

By this time I was hoping they’d think I just ain’t worth the trouble. There were plenty of others there that were easier pickins than me. But this wasn't about finding someone for sex, it was about breaking me down. So I got another visit from my new buddies. This time, they kinda formed a circle around me before moving in, and I could see in their eyes that some of them weren't really looking forward to this at all. Well man, welcome to the fuckin club.

This time I ended up in the prison hospital and spent a couple weeks there. One day, I was laying there thinking about how much I hurt and wondering what a life sentence was gonna be like with this happening all the time, when one of the inmates working in the hospital starts talking to me and tells me about the Aryan Brotherhood and how I don't have to put up with the nee-grahs no more as long as I join up with em. And that’s how I ended up with the tattoo of the swastika and WHITE POWER on my arm, right up there by the bicep.

Well, time goes by and I’m getting settled into the routine of prison life, and no one is messing with my behind no more now that I’m in this white guy gang. Then from outta the blue I find out that that someone from the Pine Hills Youth Correctional Facility in Montana got religious and wrote a letter confessing to killing that chick. He was just a kid, only seventeen years old. Can you believe that? Well, no one at San Quentin did. No one takes you seriously when you tell em you’re innocent, cause everybody in prison says they’re innocent. I didn’t have the letter or anything, just what I heard, so no one gave a shiet.

So I wrote to Merle, and he sent some dude from the Innocence Project to visit me. Next thing I know the prison doctor is scraping some skin from the inside of my mouth, and one day, just like that, they're walking me out the door and on my way. Course it didn’t take more than five minutes to be up to my ass in ambulance chasers all wanting to help me sue the government for my troubles. Most of em didn’t smell much different than the public defender, and I began to wonder if I was ever gonna get a lawyer who wasn’t a fall-down drunk. The dudes at the Innocence Project gave me the name of some chick up in San Francisco to call. That was kinda far away for me, but she turned out to be a pretty good lawyer and didn’t smell of booze either. She spent a lot of time yelling at the guys from the city, and let me tell you man, after listening to that I sure was glad she was working for me and not them. In the end, I got some money, not a lot, cause I wasn't in all that long and of course I didn’t tell a soul about the other stuff, but it was enough to get my trailer and a good truck, and they also promised to pay for retraining which is why I’m taking this class.

Once I got all signed up for school and the dust settled down, I figured I better get rid of that tattoo. So I called up Merle and told him to come on over and give me a hand with it. We heated up a weeding tool in the barbeque, and I bit down on a little stick of wood while Merle burnt off the tattoo with the weeder. You know, I never stopped biting that stick, but when the flesh started to burn, I tried to push everything outta me like emptying a squeeze bottle of Heinz ketchup. All the shame, all the rage I was carrying around inside me since I got out. I just forced it all outta me and I guess I yelled a good deal, cause Merle was looking at me kinda funny when it was done.

Merle's my best friend, and I figured maybe it was OK if I told him about it all, so I did. And when I was done, there was a long silence, then he kinda looked at me and asked in a quiet voice if I was gonna make him burn my bunghole too, and finish the job. That Merle, he's as dumb as a box of rocks, but he always finds a way to make me laugh.

I never really took to queers in the first place but it ain’t cause of what happened to me when I was inside prison. I don't blame the blacks or the queers for it. That stuff really wasn't about color or sex; it was about power plays by cons who had to ditch their humanity in order to survive. Still, as everybody knows man, no matter how many times you squeeze the bottle, you can't get every last bit of ketchup out, and for me, I still had some bits of my experience I couldn’t get outta my head. Sometimes, I'd be watching TV and just start to feel terribly sad and weak. Mussel Shoals was back with me by then, and he seemed to know something was wrong when I felt like that. He didn't know what, but he’d always come on over anyway, and lick my hand and rest his head on my leg. I tell you man, I really love that dog.

It was real tough getting back in the saddle with the ladies after what happened to me in prison. I’d always heard that if you so much as touched another guy’s privates you were queer for life, and although I was hoping that weren’t true, it was hard to think about sex without remembering all the bad stuff. Merle brought by some chick he was going out with who had a lady friend, and though she was nice and all I was kinda scared I wouldn’t be able to deliver the goods and have to start explaining everything, so I had to pass.

About a month after I bought my trailer, I met a nice chick at the park while out walking Mussel Shoals. She's about my age and pretty agreeable. Betty’s her name. She has a dog, too, a female Dalmatian named Dotty. Mussel Shoals was OK with that, ‘cause he ain’t prejudiced, and they got along just great. After we'd been going out for a few weeks it was my birthday, and she and Merle came over to my trailer and surprised me with a little cake. After I blew out the candles they said we could do anything I want, their treat. So we talked about it awhile and decided to spend the day out at Great America.

Well I don’t know if you been to Great America lately but they have this new feature which is a water park, and if you asked me that part alone is worth the price of admission. After we got in we headed on over there and changed our clothes in one of the little changing rooms they have nearby. While I was waiting for Betty to change (course chicks always take forever, took me and Merle about a minute and Betty about four hours) I struck up this conversation with this Filipino dude who was waiting behind me. He had a shirt on said he’s a police officer, so of course I didn’t mention anything about being in prison. Then one of the changing rooms opened up, not the one Betty was in (of course since she takes a million years) so I told the dude to go ahead of me since I had to wait for Betty anyway.

He moved on into the room and then his son, who was maybe 3 or 4 years old, started following him, but he told the son to wait outside. So the kid kinda backstepped a ways without turning around and then reached up and took my hand, and I closed my hand around his and we stood there awhile like uncle and son. It was a great feeling man. I never got to do that with my dad, cause he passed out on some tracks and got all mashed up by a train when I was only six months old, and none of the dudes that Mom brought around after that ever stayed more than a couple days. I didn’t really know what I was supposed to do, so I just stood there and tried not to squeeze his hand too hard.

Pretty soon though I heard this laughing behind me, and it’s the kid’s mom. And I looked down at him, and he’s looking over at her, and his forehead gets all crinkly, and he looks at his hand in mine, and you can see him sorta follow my arm all the way up to my shoulder and to my head. When he figured out I wasn’t his mom, his eyes got real big and he yanked his hand away and scampered over to where she was sitting.

Well by this time his mom is pretty much doubled over with laughter and she and I are talking, and of course Betty comes out right about then and sees me talking to this hot Filipino chick and gives me the stink eye. But it didn’t take too long before I’m the one who was upset cause Betty is wearing this string bikini top and let me tell you man, if I had charged a quarter a peek for a look at her tatas I would have made a fortune that day. Betty looks a lot like Salma Hayak (specially when she gets mad, which is all the time, Geez!) and she has a really nice rack.

But you see man this is where chicks are really sneaky. Betty knew we was going to a water park and there'd be lots of chicks to look at and she didn’t want me looking at em. So she wore her most revealing outfit cause she knew I’d have to keep an eye on her. At a place like Great America there are tons of buff dudes walking around trying to grab your chick when you’re distracted. So you got to keep your eye out every minute and that cuts into your time cruising the hotties. And speaking of that I think next time I’m gonna tell Betty how much I enjoy checking out the babes while she’s goofing around in the dressing room. That oughta speed her up.

We had a great time and ate crummy food and I won a Spongebob doll for Betty at the pitching booth. Merle almost got in a fight with some dudes who stole a big doll from one of the other carnival booths but the rent-a-cops broke that one up before it started. Later he got sick after going on the Invertigo and we got to watch him puke in a trash can. That part wasn’t so good, but after it got dark the fireworks started going off and Betty snuggled up to me real close and I forgot all about Merle, and we kinda lost him. It worked out OK though in the end. Merle called me later and told me that when he got out to the parking lot he ran into the same dudes he almost got in a fight with, and they ended up going out drinking and they’re his dawgs now. I never heard Merle call anyone that before, but he don’t generally hang out with black dudes either.

After the fireworks was done, Betty came back with me to my trailer, and we started watching American Idol. Well, one thing led to another and the next thing you know we was in bed getting ready to do the horizontal mambo. She was kinda nervous so I cracked a few jokes to relax her till she told me to shut up. I was nervous too, man. I was worried about maybe being queer, but besides even that, this was gonna be the first time for me since before I went to prison, and I was afraid I might be a little rusty.

It was a night I think I’m always gonna remember. First-time sex with a chick who's your girlfriend is always a big deal, specially if you’re a guy. You get to see what she looks like naked, specially the boobs, and see what kind of funny noises she makes when she gets all excited. In spite of all my worrying, everything turned out OK. I guess sex is like being on a bicycle, you never forget how to ride. Still, it took Betty a long time to come that night, but that’s probly cause she was busy with her own first-time sex thoughts. Chicks are funny about that. It's like the first time you take em out to dinner. They don't care about the dinner so much as not looking bad eating it, which usually means not eating much of it at all. Same thing with sex. The first time, they don't care so much about coming as much as they don't want to embarrass themselves. Next time though you better deliver, that is if you want there to be a third time.

So we're laying there afterwards, her head on my shoulder, and just talking real soft about nothing in particular, when all of a sudden there's this big commotion and damn if Mussel Shoals wasn't trying to have sexual relations with Dotty. She didn’t seem quite as interested as he was, but he stayed right on it, the two of em crashing into the walls and the bed and just going to town. I'll tell you, no one is gonna mistake ol’ Mussel Shoals for a 60 minute man, but seeing it was his first time and all, maybe he'll improve with practice.

A bit later I was the only one awake, and I was laying there listening to the three of em making their sleep noises, and wishing I could get my arm loose somehow so I could get a glass of water without waking up Betty. But I just laid there listening to the sounds, and smelling the odors of the people sex and dog sex, and thinking about my life.

I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid. I wanted to be a big success and fall in love with the prom queen and live in a four bedroom house with two kids and a Chevy just like white people do in the movies. It didn’t take long to figure out that wasn't gonna happen, and things started to look real bad there for awhile like I just told you about, and much as I try to, I’m probly never gonna forget how I got into prison and what happened to me there.

But all and all, life really ain’t been so bad to me, man. Betty said she thinks I might make a good lawyer someday. I told her I’ll be lucky to pass this class much less make it all the way to law school. But she thinks I can become a lawyer, not one like the city gives you that drinks his lunch, but someone who really helps people, maybe even get some other dudes outta prison that don’t belong there either. She said everybody has a destiny in life, and mine is to help people to redeem their lives. How can you not love a chick who talks like that, specially about you?

Come to think of it, the best thing that happened to me last summer was meeting Betty. I got me a good woman in that chick. I got someone to calm me down after I get cut off on the freeway by some dick, and to help me express my true feelings without cussin. She’s someone who’ll open the aspirin bottle for me when I have a hangover, fake an orgasm when I really need her to, and maybe someday, God willing, remind me how many kids we have and what their names are. Guys don't give their chicks enough credit for this sorta stuff, and frankly you dudes out there reading this, if you are not making use of this kinda help then you are not getting full value outta your chick.

I’m gonna do my part too. I’m gonna protect her, always. I’m gonna hold her and pet her head and tell her everything’s OK when she’s feeling sad. I’m gonna nod at her sympathetically while thinking, "Who fuckin cares?" while she bitches on and on about some other chick at work who looked at her the wrong way. I’m gonna help her watch football with me, let her change my haircut and clothes all the time, and worry about all the big shiet so she has plenty of time for chick stuff like shopping and crying.

It was a great summer, man. And I’m looking forward to the rest of my life.

********************************************************

I got a D for this essay ("inappropriate content)", and a C-minus for the course. I was pretty discouraged, but Betty wouldn't let me quit. She said that this might not be my last chance to change my life, but it sure was going to be my best chance, and I should go all out. At the department graduation ceremonies in May, the entire faculty rose and applauded me as I walked up to get my diploma. And then before you know it, everyone else got up and joined in too, and Betty started bawling her eyes out. I was really embarrassed, but fortunately Merle was there, and he shouted "It's about fucking time!" to me, which cracked up everyone and got them back into their seats. In the fall, I'll start law school at Santa Clara University, on an Emery scholarship.

Merle is a Precinct Captain for the Obama Campaign.

Mussel Shoals went on to live a happy life with Dotty. When his hearing started to go, we noticed that she was helping him to understand when we gave him commands. One by one his parts started to wear out, and on December 24th of last year, my dearest friend licked my hand one last time and then slept away. I buried him on a short hill, next to a trail where I used to hike with him and Dotty. The view is beautiful, and when we visit, Dotty will lay next to him for as long as I am willing to stay.

About three years ago my grades started to get very good and it looked like school would stick. I came home one night and told Betty that I thought things were getting better every year, year after year. She started crying and wouldn't tell me why. It took me a long time to figure it out, and when I did I felt pretty sheepish. I asked her, she answered yes, and nine months to the day of our wedding night, little Tina was born. She's as cute as a bug, and someday when she is old enough to learn about her old man's story, I will take this essay out of storage for her to read.

It begins again?

This has been the greatest strip for me over the last 20+ years. I don't know of any other strip where the characters aged, loved, died, and had babies that aged.
I remember when April was born, when Michael went to college, Lawrence came out, etc. I enjoyed seeing this fictional family grow.

Here's what Lynn Johnston said:

To all my wonderful readers,

A couple of weeks ago I drew and sent the last two weeks of dailies, bringing to a close the main storyline of FBorFW. It sure wasn't easy! I think the drawings were harder to do than the writing, because I'd been thinking about what to say and how to say it for a long time. I had that "running in a dream" feeling, as though I'd never get there, but once the deed was done, I felt strangely comforted; a feeling that I'd done the right thing at the right time.

For the past 7 years or so I was aware that the stories were becoming more complicated, the drawings more controlled and the characters more realistic. Gone was the loose, funny, free-hand line I had started with. As the adventures of the characters became more defined, so did the drawing, until I researched everything, from forklifts to faces, from aircraft to arcades. I was out for accuracy. Every house, every apartment had a floorplan. The furniture and the color schemes had to be consistent- as did the information I gave about the "players", and if I made an error, you would let me know!

I have always been impressed by the fast response that comes when an error has been made, or if the story has a twist to it that doesn't go down well!

Readers catch the minutest of details and I'm always grateful for a correction or a reminder!! One thing I was often asked was to tell more about folks such as Anthony's parents, but there were so many characters...and only one statement a day (less than 30 seconds) to try and tell a story, I just hoped you would make up your own minds as to how these distant players fit in!! With that said, I have now let all of this pass into the mist as the story ends and I return to the beginning.

For Better or For Worse begins again on September the 1st with new material, new art and new enthusiasm! Without the need to visit all of the auxiliary characters, I can concentrate once again on the insular little Patterson household. I have the children all to myself again. I can do spot gags and silly stuff. I can fix what I don't like about my early work as I add and subtract...redraw and just improve everything.

The crazy part is drawing the way I used to draw!! I practised, using the first two books, copying as if I was trying to draw someone else's work, not my own! It's taken some time to simulate the earlier work, but it's coming and because it's a simpler style with less detail in the background, I can comfortably do all the art myself without the need for another illustrator.

This makes the process faster and because I'll be including some of the classics, I'll be able to take some much needed time off!

I expected to find a return to my old style of drawing a bit stressful, but it's been easy! I also expected to find it hard to rip into the belief that I was a young mom again with two small kids...but this is really fun!!! I'm so enjoying the loose style, the freedom to play with the younger Pattersons again and the less complicated cast of characters. Mixing the classic and new strips, is both challenging and rewarding as I improve the work I started with. Who gets to do this??? I consider it a real privilege to be able to work on the beginning again and I hope you'll enjoy what I do. One way or another you'll let me know - and I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,
Lynn Johnston

Sounds like she became a victim of her own genius. She couldn't keep up with the standard she set. Makes sense. At first, I thought that she was ending it and going back in re-runs. I was sad, but now it'll be neat to see it from a parents perspective. I can't wait. Today's starts off with a bang.

Siskel and Ebert Review Ferris Bueller and Back to School...

Talk about hilarious. I actually remember this from 1986. It saddened me when Siskel died so young with a young son, but he just never got it. I thought they picked a couple of bad scenes...probably some of the worst of the movie other than the first one.

Of course Ebert loves Back to School, and loves Back to School as well.

I think I watched that show every week and remember getting mad at them when they panned movies I liked. Of course, I was a kid, so I loved all movies.

Make the Most of the First 20 Seconds of an Interview

When you go into an interview, you have 20 seconds to give an employer a reason to consider hiring you. First impressions count for a lot; learn how to use them to your advantage. The parts of a successful first impression are an almost choreographed ritual of getting down to the serious business of interviewing. You can make an interviewer think, "This is a good candidate" by following several seemingly simple rules:

Look Confident

No matter how you may feel that day, smile. A smile is not just another facial expression. It's a signal to that primitive part of the interviewer's brain that you are friendly and not a threat. It also sends a message to your own brain of being happy and at ease. Linguists and psychologists have said that anywhere from 93 to 97 percent of communication is nonverbal, and the smile is a very important part of that communication.

10 General Questions:

1. Tell me about yourself.
* Keep your answer to one or two minutes; don't ramble.
* Use a ''positioning statement'' as a base to start. Your positioning statement is the boiled-down story of your resume -- general goals, skills and background.

2. What do you know about our company?
* Know products, size, income, reputation, image, goals, problems, management talent, management style, people, skills, history and philosophy.
* Project an informed interest. Ask several open-ended questions about the company's course and the department's goals so the interviewer can tell you about the company. Let her define the business in her terms.

3. Why do you want to work for us?
* Don't talk about what you want; first talk about their needs.
* You wish to be part of a company project.
* You would like to solve a company problem.
* You can make a definite contribution to specific company goals: identify its management talent, increase sales in the Northeast region, and so on.

4. What would you do for us? What can you do for us that someone else can't?
* Relate past successes in solving previous employer problems, which may be similar to those of the prospective employer.

5. What about our position do you find the most attractive? Least attractive?
* List three or more attractive factors and only one minor unattractive factor.

6. Why should we hire you?
* Because of knowledge, experience, abilities and skills. Tell what these are.

7. What do you look for in a job?
* An opportunity to use skills, perform and be recognized.

8. Please give me your definition of a ... (the job for which you are being interviewed).
* Keep it brief and action- and results-oriented

9. How long would it take you to make a meaningful contribution to our firm?
* Very quickly after a little orientation and a brief period of adjustment on the learning curve.

10. How long would you stay with us?
* As long as we both feel I'm contributing, achieving, growing and so on.

8 Experience and Management Questions:

1. You may be overqualified or too experienced for the position we have to offer. * Strong companies need strong people.
* Experienced executives are at a premium today.
* Emphasize your interest in a long-term association.
* The employer will get a faster return on investment because you have more experience than required.
* A growing, energetic company is rarely unable to use its people talents.

2. What is your management style?
* If you've never thought about this, it's high time you did. Open door is best, but you get the job done on time or inform your management.

3. Are you a good manager? Give an example. Why do you feel you have top managerial potential?
* Keep your answer achievement- and task-oriented and emphasize management skills -- planning, organizing, controlling, interpersonal and so on.

5. What did you look for when you hired people?
* Skills, initiative, adaptability.

6. Have you ever fired anyone? If so, what were the reasons and how did you handle it?
*You have had experience with this and it worked out well since it wasn't a good fit, or you've focused on having a great team that works well together so have never been presented with this problem.

7. What do you see as the most difficult task in being a manager?
* Getting things planned and done on time within the budget.

8. What do your subordinates think of you?
* Be honest and positive; they can check your responses easily.

9. What is your biggest weakness as a manager?
* Be honest and end on a positive note: "I have a problem reprimanding people so I always begin with something positive first."
Industry Trends Question:
10. What important trends do you see in our industry?
* Keep your answer to two or three trends.

4 Questions If You Are Leaving a Job:·

1. Why are you leaving your present job?
* Refine your answer based on your comfort level and honesty.
* Give a "group" answer if possible; for instance, "Our department was consolidated or eliminated."

2. How do you feel about leaving all of your benefits?
* Concerned but not panicked.

3. Describe what you feel to be an ideal working environment.
* Where people are treated as fairly as possible.

4. How would you evaluate your present firm?
* An excellent company that afforded me many fine experiences.

12 Questions Quantifying Your Experience and Accomplishments:
1. Have you helped increase sales? Profits? How?
* Describe in some detail.

2. Have you helped reduce costs? How?
* Same as above.

3.How much money did you ever account for?
* Be specific.
4. How many people did you supervise on your last job?
* Be specific.

5. Do you like working with figures more than words?
* Be honest but positive.

6. In your present or last job, what features did you like the most? Least?
* Same as above

7.In your present or last job, what are or were your five most significant accomplishments?
* You could refer to the key accomplishments already identified on resume.

8. Why haven't you found a new position before now?
* Finding a job is easy but finding the right job is more difficult. You are being "selective."

9.Had you thought of leaving your present position before? If yes, what do you think held you there?
* Challenge, but it's gone now.

10. What do you think of your boss?
* Be as positive as you can.

11. Describe a situation in which your work was criticized?
* Pick an example that emphasizes how you grew from the experience.

12. What other types of jobs or companies are you considering?
* Keep your answer related to this company's field.

8 Questions on Your Work Habits and Style:

1. If I spoke with your previous boss, what would he say are your greatest strengths and weaknesses?
* Emphasize skills -- don't be overly negative about your weaknesses; it's always safe to identify a lack of a skill or experience as a shortcoming rather than a personal characteristic.

2. an you work under pressures and deadlines?
* Yes. Quite simply, it is a way of life in business.....Give example

3. How have you changed the nature of your job?
* Improved it, of course. Example

4. Do you prefer staff or line work? Why?
* It depends on the job and its challenges.

5. In your present position, what problems have you identified that had previously been overlooked?
* Keep it brief and don't brag -- that is, stick to the facts.

6. Don't you feel you might be better off in a different size company? Different type company?
* Depends on the job -- elaborate slightly.

7. How do you resolve conflict on a project team?
* First discuss issues privately....

8. What was the most difficult decision you ever had to make?
* Attempt to relate your response to the prospective employment situation.

3 Salary Questions:

1. How much are you looking for?
* Answer with a question: ''What is the salary range for similar jobs in your company?''
* If they don't answer, then give a range of what you understand you are worth in the marketplace.

2. How much do you expect, if we offer this position to you?
* Be careful; the market value of the job may be the key answer -- ''My understanding is that a job like the one you're describing may be in the range of $______.''

3. What kind of salary are you worth?
* Have a specific figure in mind, but don't necessarily volunteer it.

4 Personality Questions:
1. What was the last book you read? Movie you saw? Sporting event you attended?
* Talk about books, sports or films to represent balance in you life.

2. How would you describe your own personality?
* Balanced.

3. What are your strong points?
* Present at least three and relate them to the interviewing company and job opening.

4.What are your weak points?
* Don't say you have none.
* Try not to cite personal characteristics as weaknesses, but be ready to have one if interviewer presses.
* Turn a negative into a positive answer: "I am sometimes intent on completing an assignment and get too deeply involved when we are late."

Interviewing: Practice Interview Questions I


Job interviewing is like dating. You arrive at the agreed-upon location, on time, neatly dressed, determined to make a good impression and ready to answer a ton of questions. The key to a successful interviewing, however, lies in anticipating and preparing for those questions and knowing just how to handle them. We talked to five people who spend every day interviewing people, and they gave us the lowdown on how to best answer five common interview questions.

1. Tell me about yourself.
This open-ended question has no ''right'' or ''wrong'' answer, says Ken Ramberg, co-founder of Jobtrak.com in Los Angeles: ''It is merely the interviewer's way of getting you to talk, to open up, to say something that isn't canned, or not right in front of them on your resume.''
It doesn't matter exactly what you say so much as how you say it: with enthusiasm and passion. Because this question is open-ended, Ramberg says, be careful not to babble. Have a point. Perhaps talk about your excitement at having the opportunity to interview with this organization and explain how it meshes with your career goals. Or use this time to say what your resume doesn't and impress upon your interviewer why you're an asset to any company.

2. Why are you leaving your current job?
Many interviewers will ask this, and although they may be curious as to why you're job hunting, keep your comments diplomatic. ''Never say anything directly negative about your present job,'' said Laurence Stybel, founder of Lincolnshire, Stybel, Peabody, a recruitment firm in Boston. ''Instead, focus on things such as growth potential and skill development and your goals in those regards.'' Be honest about what you are looking for. But don't disclose everything (how your boss is a tyrant and your coworkers incompetent, for example) that has led to look around.

3. What would you say is your greatest weakness?
This is one of those slippery interview questions that, if you haven't given it a little thought beforehand, can catch you off guard. While it may be tempting, don't simply boast you're flawless.

Instead, answer the question with a real weakness, albeit many experts advise it be a watered-down one. ''I generally tell people to answer this question by giving a quality that is not that bad,'' said Rachel Cohen, a talent advocate at Muses, Inc., a San Francisco recruiting company. Stybel suggests naming a flaw and the steps you've taken to overcome it. For example: ''In the past I've been impatient to tackle many big projects at once. I'm still ambitious, but I prioritize so everything gets done in the right order.'' Other suggested not-so-flawed flaws -- being excessively organized and deadline-driven.

4. I see you have a gap on your resume. What did you do during this year/month/decade that you weren't working in this industry?
Be as honest as possible when you answer, says Sarah Jelley, a strategy recruiter at Luminant Worldwide Corporation in New York City. While you needn't give every detail of what you did during that ''gap,'' don't be evasive. The interviewer just wants to get a better idea of who you are, what makes you tick, and how your experiences make you a good fit for the job. ''Tell the interviewer what you did, and emphasize what you got out of it, or what you learned,'' Jelley said. You may have been washing dishes in Tijuana for a year, but you also were learning another language and culture.

5. Where do you see yourself in 5/10/fill-in-the-blank years?
You dread this question from your mother, not to mention your interviewer, and yet it comes up time and time again. But you needn't have your whole life lined up to answer this well. ''I'm looking for a person with self-insight, someone who will be open with me,'' said Tom DiDonato, senior vice president of human resources at Merck & Company in Franklin Lakes, N.J. ''I want to hear about your ambitions and your goals. I want to hear you get energized when you speak.'' Demonstrate your ambition by talking about the skills you hope to develop or projects you want to undertake. Whenever possible, says Cohen, give a concrete goal, focusing on the responsibilities, not the title. For example, you could say you'd like to work on certain kinds of projects, achieve a creative goal or manage a team because you think you have good leadership skills.

Practice Interview Questions II

The key to polished interviewing lies in anticipating and preparing for likely questions and knowing just how to handle them. We talked to five experts who spend every day interviewing people, and they gave us and how you should respond. But more is better, and five wasn't nearly enough. So here are five more to help you ace the interview.

1. I see you don't have ____ skill/experience. How would you handle that?
This is your time to convince the interviewer that, despite your inexperience with a certain computer program or procedure, you're up for the challenge. ''Your best bet here is to give an example,'' said Laurence Stybel, founder of Lincolnshire, Stybel, Peabody. ''Tell about another time you encountered this kind of situation and how you dealt with it.'' If you're short on I'm-a-quick-learner stories, impress your interviewer with the steps you're already taking to learn the skill -- a class you've enrolled in or a how-to book you're reading.

2. What kind of work environment are you looking for?
When an interviewer asks this, they exploring whether you will fit with their office, says Rachel Cohen, a talent advocate at Muses Inc. If they have a laid-back, laissez-faire approach and you like hand-holding and firm oversight, then perhaps it isn't the right place for you. That said, if you really want the job, and you're not lying to yourself in the process, you'd be wise to look around you and describe your ideal workplace as the one you see laid out in front of you. A little legwork before your interview should give you a good understanding of the corporate climate. If you can, talk to others at the company or in the same field. If you don't have these contacts, ask pointed questions of the receptionist, assistant and anyone else you talk to during the interview process.

3. What are your favorite magazines and/or what books are you currently reading?
Absolutely no right answers here, says recruiter Sarah Jelley, who always asks this question. ''I just want to hear you talk, to get an idea of who you are. I don't care what it is -- I'm not there to judge your reading selection -- I just want to see that you aren't a one-dimensional person; I want a person with interests."

4. Tell me about the best boss you've ever had.
Although this question can give valuable insight into whether you and your boss (often your interviewer) will get along, it also gives insight into how you would lead, says Tom DiDonato, a senior vice president of human resources: ''When someone tells me about the person they most enjoyed working with and learned the most from, it automatically tells me a lot about how they would be as a leader.'' There is no right answer, DiDonato stresses. Insightful and honest is what he's looking for. For example, discuss the attributes you liked in your hands-on supervisor and how they meshed with your close-knit team approach.

5. Do you have any questions for me?
Oftentimes this last question is the biggest stumper of all. Questions? Me? Yikes. But don't hit mute and make for the door just yet. Always come armed with a few more questions, whether they're about the business itself or about your specific role within it. Doing your homework on the company will make a big difference, says Ken Ramberg, co-founder of Jobtrak.com. Perhaps a new competitor has recently burst on the scene. Inquire about the company's plans to go head-to-head. Or, says Stybel, ask about how the company is meeting technological challenges or expanding. Just don't fall silent at this moment.
"The questions you ask are just as important as the ones they ask you,'' and they demonstrate your level of sophistication, Stybel said. Ask the interviewer why she works there or to describe a recent good hire. You can also highlight any qualifications that haven't been discussed yet and your enthusiasm. Use your voice and make yourself memorable.

Sherman era off to a bang!

18-14 Arkansas St. beats Texas A&M.

I don't know what was worse, the internet stream, or the performance of the Ags.
http://www.texags.com is going to be fun today and next week.

At least Fran beat Arkansas State his first game.



It is what it is. Ags couldn't stop them when it counted, and they turned the ball over too many times. Heisman hopeful Goodson fumbled when the game was on the line.

You should've known the Ags were in trouble when in the first series the Ags had their first sting QB playing QB, 2nd string QB playing TE, and 3rd string QB playing WR.

Top 10 1980s teen movies

10.
a

Take a computer with the power of my cell phone, a modem, and you can create a woman. Things like that only happened in 1980s movie. But there's a theme that take a computer, and you can do anything. Check out a hot Kelly LeBrock (no bigger than a mouthful) and a very young and stoned IronMan. It's a geek versus cool kid movie, and the geeks steal their girls. Very appropriate.

9.


A common theme of unrequited love took place in the 1980's. This one was definitely the wackiest, and had some of the funniest a and quotable lines. I remember seeing that trailer in the theatre and how the audience roared with the line, "Throwing away a perfectly good white boy like that."

8.


A group of friends rallying to save their houses. 2 sets of bad guys, a one eyed pirate, a hot teen girl, and you have your perfect teen adventure movie.

7.


No need to comment on this one.
6.


Skipping school, Cubs game, talking to the camera, taking advantage of the principal, what better movie could there be?

5.


Lucaplakia! Corey Haim before the drugs, Charlie Sheen before the sex addiction, Wynona Ryder before her kleptomania, Jeremy Piven before the hair implants and the beautiful at the time Kerri Green. Great movie. It's for the nerd in all of us.

4.


Great movie. A perfect coming of age movie set in the 50's with a great 50's soundtrack. This is probably River Phoenix's best performance. Such a tragic loss. Just be careful watching with your kids. The language is definitely harsher than I remembered.

3.


Original title was Boy Rents Girl. However, Can't Buy Me Love already had a song written for it. I really liked this movie and identified with Ronald Miller. Paula Abdul was the choreographer for the African Ant Eater Ritual.

2.


Stoner, Scalper, Slut, brother and sister, and a nerd. It's one of my top 10 movies of all time.

1.


No more yank my wanky, the donger need food!

Here's the funny part of those movies...
Corey Feldman is in 2 of them.
Kerri Green is in 2 of them.
Charlie Sheen is in 2 of them.
Anthony Michael Hall is in 2 of them.

More 1984 greatness

Allen Covert

Talk about a great name for a character actor. He truly is the definition of who you know, not what you know. He's a good actor, but geez...


IMDB

Actor

• Strange Wilderness (2008)...Fred
  
• "Slacker Cats" - The Wood (2007) Trevor Dagdale
  
• I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007....Steve
  
• "The King of Queens" .... Dave / ... (2 episodes, 2004-2007)
  - Mild Bunch (2007) TV episode .... Dave
  - Multiple Plots (2004) TV episode .... Towel Guy
  
• Grandma's Boy (2006) .... Alex
  
• The Longest Yard (2005) .... Referee
  
• 50 First Dates (2004) .... Ten Second Tom
  
• Anger Management (2003) .... Andrew
  
• Eight Crazy Nights (2002) (voice) .... Old Lady, Bus Driver & Mayor's Wife
  
• Mr. Deeds (2002) .... Marty
  
• Little Nicky (2000) .... Todd
  
• Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999) .... Vic
  
• "Freaks and Geeks" .... Greasy Liquor Store Clerk (1 episode, 1999)
  - Beers and Weirs (1999) TV episode .... Greasy Liquor Store Clerk
  
• Late Last Night (1999) (TV) (as Alan Coert) .... Coked Guy
  
• Big Daddy (1999/I) .... Phil D'Amato
  
• Never Been Kissed (1999) .... Roger in Op/Ed
  
• The Waterboy (1998) .... Walter
  
• The Wedding Singer (1998) .... Sammy
  
• Bulletproof (1996) .... Detective Jones
  
• Happy Gilmore (1996) .... Otto
  
• Heavy Weights (1995) .... Kenny
  
• Airheads (1994) .... Cop
  
• "The Ben Stiller Show" .... Waiter #1 (1 episode, 1993)
  - A Few Good Scouts (1993) TV episode .... Waiter #1
  
• "Ferris Bueller" .... Steve (1 episode, 1991)
  - A Night in the Life (1991) TV episode .... Steve
  
• "Roseanne" .... Man #1 (1 episode, 1991)
  - Vegas Interruptus (1991) TV episode .... Man #1
  
• Going Overboard (1989) .... Bartender
  

Producer:

• The House Bunny (2008) (producer)
  
• I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007) (co-producer)
  
• Grandma's Boy (2006) (producer)
  
• The Longest Yard (2005) (executive producer)
  
• Anger Management (2003) (executive producer)
  
• A Day with the Meatball (2002) (producer)
  
• Eight Crazy Nights (2002) (producer)
  
• Mr. Deeds (2002) (associate producer)
  
• Little Nicky (2000) (associate producer)
  
• Big Daddy (1999/I) (associate producer)
  

Let's see.... 26 credits as an actor, 13 of which star Adam Sandler.
12 credits as a producer, 11 of them star Adam Sandler.

I'm sure the guy is great, and he was funny and good in Grandma's House...
Now that I know who he is, it's funny to see him in all of Sandlers movies!

My favorite joke

An unemployed man applies for a job with Microsoft as a cleaner. The manager there arranges for an aptitude test. After the test, the manager says: "You will be appointed on the scale of $30 per day. Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send you a form to complete and advise you where to report for work on your first day."

Taken aback, the unemployed man protests that he is neither in possession of a computer nor of an e-mail address. To this the manager replies: "Well then, that really means that you virtually don't exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed."

Stunned, the man leaves the Microsoft office. Not knowing where to turn and only having about $10 left, he decides to buy a 10kg box of tomatoes at the supermarket. Within less than 2 hours, he sells the tomatoes singly to office workers in the city for their lunch, at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. That's 3 times what he was offered as a cleaner, so it dawns on the man that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes.

Getting up early and earlier every day and going to bed late and later, he multiplies his hoard of profits in quite a short time. Not too long thereafter, he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again shortly afterwards for a pick-up truck. By the end of the first year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of several hundred former unemployed people, all selling vegetables.

Considering the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life assurance. Calling an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order that he might forward the documentation.

When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned: "What, you don't even have e-mail? How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? Just imagine where you would have been by now, if you had been connected from the very start!" After a moment's silence, the tomato millionaire replied: "Sure! I would have been a cleaner at Microsoft!"

It's a form of a story written by Somerset Maugham. I took a survey course on Maugham my final senior year at A&M. The Verger. Read it if you have a chance here.

How you know you're not wanted...

Dallas Cowboys cut guard Adam Stenavich today.

Why?

To sign veteren gaurd Larry Allen.
To a 1 day contract.
To retire as a cowboy.

I'm sorry Adam, we're going to have to let you go. Larry needs to retire.

Larry Allen, the original Manimal.

Cowboys finish the preseason 2-2

Thoughts on the Minnesota game...

• Hurd getting hurt is major. That's the 3-4-5 receivers getting hurt in back to back to back weeks. Perhaps they should've drafted a WR. I wonder if the talks with AZ and Boldin will resume.


• Barbie Carpenter played like one. It's not his fault he was drafted in the 1st round, but he still sucks.


• Tellus looked good. Missed a block on a linebacker in the first half, but made a couple of great catches.


• Nick Folk is not an attractive man. Thank God God blessed his right leg.


• Do they pick up Davis?


• Jefferson or Amendola?

Not much else to talk about..